Transactional Analysis in Ireland

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

MURIEL JAMES Obituary 2018

This version of Muriel's Obituary is slightly different to the one I originally posted. It includes ways of expressing condolences to Muriel's family, and/or honouring her memory.

Updated: In Memoriam: Muriel James, by Ian James

Muriel James, a psychotherapist, educator, and bestselling author who wrote 19 books about subjects from personal growth to spirituality, has died. She was 100.
Muriel helped popularize the ideas and methods of transactional analysis, which were pioneered by her mentor, Dr. Eric Berne. She gained acclaim in the 1970s and 1980s through popular self-help books, including the bestseller Born to Win: Transactional Analysis with Gestalt Experiments, which she coauthored. She lectured to groups and conferences around the world about the concepts of “self-reparenting” and other approaches to psychotherapy and encouraged participants to come to grips with painful past experiences and become more aware of their behavioral “scripts.”
Muriel advocated using simple methods to brighten the mood of others, such as giving an unexpected compliment or encouraging people to laugh “as an aid to breaking free.” With her smile, energy, and infectious sense of purpose, she helped those she counseled to discover their positive qualities and find meaning to their lives. As she put it, “That’s why I became a psychotherapist, to help people.” She believed everyone has some positive qualities they may not have developed or negative qualities that may have overwhelmed them. She encouraged purposeful positive thinking, believing people can live happier lives by being aware of their internal conversations and turning those thoughts toward the positive.
Muriel died peacefully in her sleep on 10 January 2018, in Pleasant Hill, California, where she had lived for the past 3 years. On this Valentine’s Day, she would have been 101 years of age.
She was born Muriel Marshall in Berkeley, California, on 14 February 1917. Her father, John Albert Marshall, was a medical doctor and a captain in the U.S. Army. He was a professor of music, biochemistry, and dental pathology at the University of California. Muriel’s mother, Hazel Knowles Marshall, was an internationally recognized concert pianist. Like her parents, Muriel had a love of music. As a teenager, she briefly performed as a singer with a band at the Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco until her father discovered her wayward ways.
Muriel grew up in San Francisco and lived in St. Francis Wood. She attended Lowell High School, from which she graduated in 1934. On 29 May 1934, she married Ralph Bertram McMurtry, with whom she had two children, Gail Ann and Duncan.
During World War II, she worked for the Red Cross teaching swimming safety for naval recruits on San Francisco’s Treasure Island and first aid for the prison guards on Alcatraz Island. During the war she also worked in the Kaiser Shipyards in Richmond, California, as a safety inspector, joining other “Rosie the Riveter” women in performing tasks previously reserved for men.
After divorcing her first husband, Muriel in 1943 married Paul Wellesley James, a foreman at the Richmond Shipyards, with whom she had her third child, John.
After WWII, she worked as a secretary for the Montclair Presbyterian Church from 1951-1954.
Interested in history, religion, and education, Muriel enrolled at the University of California, Berkeley, in 1954, at the age of 37, graduating in just 3 years in 1957. She simultaneously attended the Church Divinity School of the Pacific (an Episcopal seminary) in Berkeley, where she earned a Bachelor of Divinity (B.Div.) degree, and thereafter attended the Pacific School of Religion in Berkeley, where she earned a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) degree. Later she earned a doctoral degree from the University of California, Berkeley, School of Education.
Muriel was ordained as a minister and began serving at a church in Orinda, California. In 1959, she founded the Laymen’s School of Religion, which was an interdenominational school meant to bring together all religions to address their commonality rather than their differences. It was located in Berkeley, California.
In 1965, she married again, to Ernest Calvin Brawley, a California State Prison administrator.
Muriel was a strong advocate for women’s rights and civil rights. In March of 1965 she joined demonstrators who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., in Selma, Alabama.
In the late 1960s, she co-led teacher-student trainings in multicultural awareness at California high schools, seeking to help improve relations between black, white, and Latino students.
The idea for the book Born to Win grew out of Muriel’s conversations with coauthor Dorothy Jongeward, who was also interested in transactional analysis after they participated in a panel discussion at a YMCA meeting. When it was published in 1971, Born to Win became a bestseller and was praised for clear writing that brought helpful psychological tools to a broad popular audience. The book eventually sold more than 4 million copies and was used as a college textbook.
Muriel traveled widely to lead counseling sessions, train therapists, and deliver lectures to groups in countries such as Mexico, Japan, and India. She became president of the International Transactional Analysis Association.
In addition to Born to Win, James authored other popular psychology books including Born to Love (1973), Breaking Free: Self-Reparenting for a New Self (1981), It’s Never Too Late to be Happy! Reparenting Yourself for Happiness (1985), and The Better Boss in Multicultural Organizations (1991).
For many years, she led summer workshops and trainings at Lake Tahoe. She often worked together with her son John James, who was also a psychotherapist. They coauthored the book Passion for Life: Psychology and the Human Spirit (1991).
Strongly independent-minded, Muriel branched out to explore historical subjects in books such as Hearts on Fire: Romance and Achievement in the Lives of Great Women (1991) and Religious Liberty on Trial: Hanserd Knollys, Early Baptist Hero (1997).
She later moved to Walnut Creek, California, where she participated in a writers group and continued working on book projects. Into her 90s, she remained fascinated by spirituality, psychology, history, and genealogy. One of her last projects was to arrange for the publication of her grandmother Josephine Knowles’ autobiographical manuscript about her experiences during the Klondike Gold Rush. The book, Gold Rush in the Klondike: A Woman’s Journey in 1898-1899, was published in 2016.
Muriel was preceded in death by her husband Ernest, her older brother John “Jack” Albert Marshall, her younger sister Shirley Marshall, her daughter Gail Ann, and her son John. She is survived by her son Duncan M. James, as well as grandchildren and great-grandchildren. At Muriel’s request, her family does not plan to hold a formal memorial service and will instead honor her memory in other ways.
Condolences may be sent to Muriel’s grandsons Ian James (ianmjames@gmail.com) and Raymond Riddle (Riddleyou@verizon.net) and granddaughter Gabriella Schlesinger James (gabrilamuriel@gmail.com).
Those who wish to honor Muriel’s memory with a charitable donation are encouraged to give to the ITAA Scholarship Grant Fund or the Authors Guild Foundation.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Born to Win by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward

Just found this link.
Born to Win preso
It seems that there must have been some kind of 're-launch' /republication of Born To Win in 2014.

I find this an unusual website. At the top is an excellent slide-show with 30 'screens' outlining the book, as if someone is sharing what they had read.
Lower in the site is a text area of what I think are the contents of the slides transcribed.
It could be possible to cut-and paste this into Word, to make a hard copy to study at your leisure, away from the computer.

I have a copy of the original in my personal Eric Berne Memorial Library. This is a READING LIBRARY only, that is you can come as often as you like to read, but you cannot take the books away. Many of them are out of print, though occasionally they become available online, so its worth keeping a look out if you have a particular wish to read it.

Death of Muriel James

Image of young Muriel JamesI just learned this morning that my dear friend and mentor, and first contact with ITAA has died. This is the notice I got from USATAA:

The USATAA Coordinating Council is deeply saddened by the passing of Dr. Muriel James. She was an incredible pioneering TA theorist, therapist, author, educator, and consultant. We send our condolences to her loved ones and all those in our community who have been touched or transformed by her work.

I plan to add my memories here later, but meantime on my own behalf and on behalf of all those to whom I spoke about her, and about all she taught me, I'm so sorry she has gone. But then, as long as we live what she taught us, somehow, she is still with us. 
As we say in Irish: 
Ar dheis Dé go raibh a n-anam (May her soul be on the right of God (LOVE)

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

BOUNDARIES versus BA (3rd version found in Drafts folder)

BOUNDARIES versus BARRIERS
TAI Workshop May 27 2006, Premier Square, Glasnevin Dublin
DEFINITIONS
BOUNDARY seems to be an ‘I’ statement:
This is where I begin and where you end. (OK/OK)
Mostly based on
  • Facts

  • ADULT information

  • Limitation

  • Protection

  • End/Beginning marker
BARRIER seems to be ‘You’ statement:
You keep out of here. This is my territory(OK/notOK)
Mostly based on
  • PARENT ‘Rules’

  • Exclusion

  • Prevention

  • ‘Keep-Out’
Brainstorm Results
Good fences make good neighbours
Cricket Boundary (and advantage)
Bus lanes as invisible boundaries

Height as a Barrier
Gated Community
Barrier of Mind
Class Barrier
Other examples of boundaries:
  • Limit-line between territories

  • The edge of a cricket pitch. Outside this, the ball is ‘out of play’ (defines/contains pitch and non pitch)

  • Personal boundary: area of space around a person inside which they feel safe unless another enters that space uninvited, in which case they feel threatened.
Culturally agreed behavioural standards regarding touching, proximity, property etc (often unwritten, and unexpressed)
Other Examples of barriers:
  • Barrier cream – water/dirt keep out

  • Ticket barrier at train: To keep you off the train until you show you have a ticket

  • Barrier Reef: To keep out the ocean waves

  • Psychological barrier: something that prevents communication

  • Highway barrier: to prevent people going off the road into other people’s territory.

  • Cultural barrier: prevents communication
STYLES OF BOUNDARIES
  • Thick-boundaried people tend to place a large "distance" between themselves and the world -- they tend not to remember their dreams, they tend to be rigid in their beliefs and habits, not to be free in expressing their emotions.

  • Thin-boundaried people, on the other hand, seem to live partially in a dream-world, to be permissive and "liberal" in their beliefs, to express their feelings freely, and to be very sensitive to the emotions of others. (http://www.goertzel.org/books/logic/chapter_eleven.htm)

Interesting comment from participant on this idea: Maybe we all have variable boundaries according to the situation and who we are with, being sometimes more or less thick boundaried according to how secure or otherwise we feel
BOUNDARIES & CONFLICT

Boundaries/barriers as element of CONFLICT.
  • War

  • Disagreement

  • Trade Unions

  • Bullying
Lack of Boundaries
  • ? Immaturity or lack of training?

  • Courtship

  • Conversation

  • Internet
BOUNDARY ISSUE
Woman in train with feet on seat beside her - Confront or Not?

Spreading pucks and bags into empty seats
Variable extent of boundaries ?no-man’s land/ leading to war

COMMENTS from DISCUSSION
  • Boundaries DEFINE

  • Barriers CONTROL

  • Population shifts lead to boundary changes dealing with resources

  • Boundaries to PROTECT

  • Noise as SPACE as TERRITORY

  • Foreigners and boundaries – only loosen up when they feel at home

LANGUAGE as boundary establishment also way of crossing
BEHAVIOUR as boundary establishment also way of crossing
Example of ESTABLISHING RULES to maintain BOUNDARIES/BARRIERS
  • Teach students to never give out their name, school, address, phone number, picture or other personal information to people they meet online, especially in public places like chat rooms and bulletin boards.

  • Instruct students to never plan face-to-face meetings alone with online acquaintances.

  • Tell students not to respond and to let you know if they receive offensive or dangerous e-mail, chat or other communications

“PUPPY DOG SYNDROME”
TYPE A: Hang-dog
TYPE B: OTT dog
Both effected by low-self-esteem either in puppy or in owner
How to make a HANG-DOG
  • Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

  • Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

  • Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

  • Leads to shouting down (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought)

  • Several repeats (yeah, obviously you know more than I do, so obviously I’m really not OK)

  • Hang-dog slinks away (Definitely, I’m not OK – I wonder why?. I tried as hard as I could to Please you. Obviously I’m not Perfect enough. I definitely amn’t Strong enough to oppose you. I’ll just Hurry away and hide)
How to make an OTT DOG
  • Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

  • Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

  • Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

  • Leads to raised eyebrows and shoulder shrugs (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought. But it seems to be OK to keep jumping up. This is fun)

  • Several repeats of jumping (Obviously I’m not REALLY OK, but at least I get plenty of attention/strokes when I jump up not like poor HANG DOG who hardly gets any strokes.)

Question 1: How do we teach self-restraint without either breaking the spirit or giving no self-discipline?
Question 2: How do we restore joy if the spirit has been broken?

BOUNDARIES & BARRIERS Version 2 (also found in Drafts folder)

BOUNDARIES versus BARRIERS
TAI Workshop May 27 2006, Premier Square, Glasnevin Dublin
DEFINITIONS
BOUNDARY seems to be an ‘I’ statement:
This is where I begin and where you end. (OK/OK)
Mostly based on
  • Facts

  • ADULT information

  • Limitation

  • Protection

  • End/Beginning marker
BARRIER seems to be ‘You’ statement:
You keep out of here. This is my territory(OK/notOK)
Mostly based on
  • PARENT ‘Rules’

  • Exclusion

  • Prevention

  • ‘Keep-Out’
Brainstorm Results
Good fences make good neighbours
Cricket Boundary (and advantage)
Bus lanes as invisible boundaries

Height as a Barrier
Gated Community
Barrier of Mind
Class Barrier
Other examples of boundaries:
  • Limit-line between territories

  • The edge of a cricket pitch. Outside this, the ball is ‘out of play’ (defines/contains pitch and non pitch)

  • Personal boundary: area of space around a person inside which they feel safe unless another enters that space uninvited, in which case they feel threatened.
Culturally agreed behavioural standards regarding touching, proximity, property etc (often unwritten, and unexpressed)
Other Examples of barriers:
  • Barrier cream – water/dirt keep out

  • Ticket barrier at train: To keep you off the train until you show you have a ticket

  • Barrier Reef: To keep out the ocean waves

  • Psychological barrier: something that prevents communication

  • Highway barrier: to prevent people going off the road into other people’s territory.

  • Cultural barrier: prevents communication
STYLES OF BOUNDARIES
  • Thick-boundaried people tend to place a large "distance" between themselves and the world -- they tend not to remember their dreams, they tend to be rigid in their beliefs and habits, not to be free in expressing their emotions.

  • Thin-boundaried people, on the other hand, seem to live partially in a dream-world, to be permissive and "liberal" in their beliefs, to express their feelings freely, and to be very sensitive to the emotions of others. (http://www.goertzel.org/books/logic/chapter_eleven.htm)

Interesting comment from participant on this idea: Maybe we all have variable boundaries according to the situation and who we are with, being sometimes more or less thick boundaried according to how secure or otherwise we feel
BOUNDARIES & CONFLICT

Boundaries/barriers as element of CONFLICT.
  • War

  • Disagreement

  • Trade Unions

  • Bullying
Lack of Boundaries
  • ? Immaturity or lack of training?

  • Courtship

  • Conversation

  • Internet
BOUNDARY ISSUE
Woman in train with feet on seat beside her - Confront or Not?

Spreading pucks and bags into empty seats
Variable extent of boundaries ?no-man’s land/ leading to war

COMMENTS from DISCUSSION
  • Boundaries DEFINE

  • Barriers CONTROL

  • Population shifts lead to boundary changes dealing with resources

  • Boundaries to PROTECT

  • Noise as SPACE as TERRITORY

  • Foreigners and boundaries – only loosen up when they feel at home

LANGUAGE as boundary establishment also way of crossing
BEHAVIOUR as boundary establishment also way of crossing
Example of ESTABLISHING RULES to maintain BOUNDARIES/BARRIERS
  • Teach students to never give out their name, school, address, phone number, picture or other personal information to people they meet online, especially in public places like chat rooms and bulletin boards.

  • Instruct students to never plan face-to-face meetings alone with online acquaintances.

  • Tell students not to respond and to let you know if they receive offensive or dangerous e-mail, chat or other communications

“PUPPY DOG SYNDROME”
TYPE A: Hang-dog
TYPE B: OTT dog
Both effected by low-self-esteem either in puppy or in owner
How to make a HANG-DOG
  • Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

  • Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

  • Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

  • Leads to shouting down (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought)

  • Several repeats (yeah, obviously you know more than I do, so obviously I’m really not OK)

  • Hang-dog slinks away (Definitely, I’m not OK – I wonder why?. I tried as hard as I could to Please you. Obviously I’m not Perfect enough. I definitely amn’t Strong enough to oppose you. I’ll just Hurry away and hide)
How to make an OTT DOG
  • Tentative tail wags (I think you’re OK, I want to be OK with you)

  • Tail-wags leading to patting (yes you are OK, and I must be OK too, since you are patting/stroking me)

  • Boisterous Jumping up (Actually I think you’re wonderfully OK and its great to know you think I’m OK too)

  • Leads to raised eyebrows and shoulder shrugs (Uh Oh, maybe you don’t think I’m so OK, maybe I’m not as OK as I thought. But it seems to be OK to keep jumping up. This is fun)

  • Several repeats of jumping (Obviously I’m not REALLY OK, but at least I get plenty of attention/strokes when I jump up not like poor HANG DOG who hardly gets any strokes.)

Question 1: How do we teach self-restraint without either breaking the spirit or giving no self-discipline?
Question 2: How do we restore joy if the spirit has been broken?